Mental Health

Who knows where it started, but the concept of a "mental health day" has served my overall mental health extremely well.  I confessed my tendency to over-commit previously, so having a day where I do nothing but things that are replenishing for me is a godsend.  It was not a convenient time to take a day off work but rarely is there an ideal time to be gone from the office.Yesterday I gave myself the opportunity to just sit and sleep and stare into space.  There was also time for lunch with the hubs, a movie with girlfriends and ended the day on a blanket watching Zoolander under the stars with friends. 

These are activities I could do in the span of any given weekend but the day provided space for me to rest, physically, mentally and spiritually.  I didn't just take a day off from work, I also took a day off from me. From running around town like a crazy person trying do everything and see everyone and be everywhere all at once.  I took a day of from stressing over how in the world we were going to afford a house and the turned off the worry about becoming house-obsessed people. I took the day off from trying to anticipate and control every, single, micro detail of each minute of the day.

It does not happen a lot but for the majority of the day, I felt still. Not just that I was sitting still, but that my mind was still and the worries of my heart were still. And that is what I call a successful mental health day.

Today when I woke up my mind was going 100 miles an hour, I eventually had to get up and make the mental to-do list less overwhelming by actually sending that email, emptying that box in the media room, and taking the sausage out of the freezer for breakfast.  Of course each of those tasks lead to another task and so went the morning, that's my life but the stillness was good while it lasted.

Blues and greens are serene

I want to live in a space that's relaxing and inviting. I want to feel like I'm in Southern California year round. Then I saw this photo and it was love at first sight:

I think this bright color combination will give me what I want without looking like a circus. That blue wall is scary and intriguing all at once. But as a good friend reminded me last night, "its just paint."

This is the vision. Now I'll just have to start pulling the pieces together.

Photo & ideas from: http://www.younghouselove.com/

It snuck up on me like a freight train

No suspense needed on this one, the Missouri summer kicked into high gear two days ago and has been relentless ever since. After being gone for a weekend stay/dog sitting stint and the house that shall be mine, we were welcomed home to the current dwelling with a balmy 90+ degree temperature on the inside. The thermostat circa 1920 only goes up to 90.

After 30(ish) minutes of pretending like that the temperature was going to work itself down from the tizzy it was in to something tolerable by humans was futile.  Every single window was open as wide as it would go. The air circulating fan was on high speed and the hubs and I proceeded to melt into puddles drip, by sweat soaked drip.  Being cheap is one thing, but being found dead in your apartment is another ballgame, one in which I'm not willing to pay.  So I said "uncle" to the heat. I admitted we were fighting a losing battle and clicked the miraculous little button that saved us all from "off" to "cool." It's still 87 degrees but were moving in the right direction.

Moving out

While I was waiting for a meeting to start, I watched students and parents haul a year's worth of college dorm tackle out the door.  I still have vivid memories of my first year of college. I wish I could say, well it was just a few years ago but that would be lying and liars go to hell which sounds unpleasant.

It was so exciting, I just could not believe that the time had finally come for me to get the heck out of my mom’s house, my home town and my old life.  I was so excited I cried. Ok, that’s a lie too. I was so stinking terrified, I cried when I couldn’t think of any more errands to run or sites to see and my family finally drove away.

I don’t remember what happened after they left but it must have gotten better almost immediately because I remember that in total, freshman year rocked. Rocked so much I still smile when I think about parts of it. I want my future kids to have a freshman year that is so awesome they never want to leave college. I made life-long friends that year. Literally people that could read this and tell you exactly what year these freshman events occurred because they were there with me. But they are all smart people and that information would not come cheap I’m sure.

Life is good these days, I’d never want to go back and do it again and if I am ever in your presence and say that out loud, feel free to kick me. But it was definitely fun while it lasted.

The day after

It was with a great sigh of relief that I greeted the day after Mother's Day, even though it was a Monday, which is generally a lame day.  I don't have anything against mothers or celebrating them, don't get me wrong, but at best, its a complicated day for me.

This is a picture of me and my mom.  She died when I was in second grade and so it's always been hard to celebrate Mother's Day with no mother present. I don't even have any vivid memories of my mother to hold on to for this one occasion.  I don't remember ever celebrating her on Mother's Day.  Even though I don't even think of her most of the time, there are times when I still feel so very lost without her. Someone I barely knew shaped the woman that I am and the loss will affect the mother I may someday become.

It is too much to untangle all at once. This has been part of my story for years and I barely understand the full effect. I prefer to focus on the smaller accomplishments, like no one asked me what I was getting my mom for Mother's Day this year. Counting that one as a win.

Jury Duty: FML or Honored to Serve?

My bad, I completely and totally forgot to call in to see if I my presence was required for jury duty last night. So this morning at 7am when I'm leisurely checking my calendar for the day, I'm reminded that I need to check in again today AND that I never called the night before. So I call and of course, my number's up and I have to report to the courthouse by 8am.  And I'm still in BED! FML!

In record time, I'm showered, dressed (in nice clothes even) and out the door. I managed to make it just in time.  I was cranky but present.  The juror instruction sheet  said there would be coffee and snacks, and indeed both were present but for some reason my only option for coffee cups were these shot glass sized Styrofoam things. I didn't even care, I loaded up two cups (sorry environment) and went and sat down. There were about 150 plain glazed donuts too but I'm still trying not to think about the fact that I opted for a granola bar instead.


The good news is that there are 2 criminal cases on the docket for the day. I was gonna see some action, at least get to the voire dire part of the morning. Then after an somewhat entertaining hour and a half we were separated into two groups and group one goes off to their courtroom. I don't know if all marshals are funny but ours liked to crack jokes on themselves (donuts, had to see that one coming) and hair (or lack there of). 

Anyway, as the rest of us in the second group are eagerly awaiting for our chance, the judge comes in.  Now, since that did not happen with the first group, I know something is up. I'm distracted because I really regret not having a donut but I managed focused long enough to hear the judge say, "Well, some of you are going to be happy and some of you are not."  Come to find out the defendant plead guilty and we were all discharged.


Since I technically did not serve, I'm still on-call the rest of the week. This  was just enough insight to the process that I'm actually excited about being able to return one day. I mean after all, it is Juror Appreciation Week, what better time to offer my civic involvement? And if nothing else, if I'm called back, I'm having a donut.

Is that Jesus?

It was 7:45 in the morning and all I wanted was some Powerade and a biscuit surely my eyes were playing a trick on me but nope, it was Jesus.