It was with a great sigh of relief that I greeted the day after Mother's Day, even though it was a Monday, which is generally a lame day. I don't have anything against mothers or celebrating them, don't get me wrong, but at best, its a complicated day for me.
This is a picture of me and my mom. She died when I was in second grade and so it's always been hard to celebrate Mother's Day with no mother present. I don't even have any vivid memories of my mother to hold on to for this one occasion. I don't remember ever celebrating her on Mother's Day. Even though I don't even think of her most of the time, there are times when I still feel so very lost without her. Someone I barely knew shaped the woman that I am and the loss will affect the mother I may someday become.
It is too much to untangle all at once. This has been part of my story for years and I barely understand the full effect. I prefer to focus on the smaller accomplishments, like no one asked me what I was getting my mom for Mother's Day this year. Counting that one as a win.
It is too much to untangle all at once. This has been part of my story for years and I barely understand the full effect. I prefer to focus on the smaller accomplishments, like no one asked me what I was getting my mom for Mother's Day this year. Counting that one as a win.
I so appreciate your honesty and the way you express your feelings. I was more aware this year of the pain that surrounds this holiday. It's amazing what I can see when I look outside my little box of life. So sorry that Mother's Day is difficult for you. Hoping that today is a good day!
ReplyDeleteI love this picture of you and your Mom, even though it makes me sad. You are an amazing woman!
ReplyDeleteNiki, I had no idea that your mom died when you were young. I'm so sorry. :( I'm glad I read backwards so I could learn this and be sensitive to it in the future. I really appreciated the honesty in this post as well.
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